Sex is vital to a healthy relationship. But in this busy modern world, it’s all too easy for your sexual routines to be disrupted.
You may still love your partner dearly, but there’s just so much going on! Perhaps you feel too insecure to initiate contact, or perhaps you’re simply too busy. Perhaps, if you’re being honest, you’re just not as interested as you used to be! All of this can be dealt with, though: there are lots of ways to “spice things up” in your relationship.
Unfortunately, tips on spicing things up can sometimes be pretty eyebrow raising. You don’t have to be a prude to find some common suggestions uncomfortable. And, even if you like some of the kinkier stuff that is so commonly suggested, it can be tough to put such tips into practice when things are so cold in the bedroom.
Good news: the tips below are designed for those who don’t plan to suddenly get into role playing or extremely kinky sex. Those things can be great, but so are these tips for anyone seeking an approach that makes them feel a little less awkward.
Talking about sex
The single best way to improve your sex life is to get better at talking about sex with your partner. When you don’t talk about sex, you make it more taboo and make things more difficult on yourself and your partner. How are either of you supposed to deliver the experience that both people are looking for if you don’t know what your partner wants?
So talk frankly about sex, what you want out of it, and what makes you feel good. If it’s tough to do this, consider going to couples’ therapy. It may seem tougher to talk about this stuff with a professional, but you’ll soon find that the opposite is true.
Looking and feeling sexy
It’s no secret that sex involves feeling attracted to someone. But it’s also very important to feel attractive yourself! Without confidence, sex won’t be as much fun, and it may happen less often.
So consider your own appearance, and find ways to feel more confident. Maybe it’s a great new piece of lingerie. Maybe you could speak to your partner about how they speak to and compliment you — they can help you feel sexy!
Of course, there’s also your own personality and mental health to consider. If you think you have trouble feeling sexy no matter how you try to improve yourself or your looks, consider speaking with a mental health professional.
Timing is everything
When you wait and wait for the perfect moment, you’ll have no time for sex left. But there are still ideal times for sex that are more accessible than the “perfect moment”.
Here’s a simple tip for a better sex life: have sex before dinner or a date rather than after. You might have felt energetic and aroused after a long date with lots of food and alcohol when you were younger and less busy, but let’s face it: when it’s late, you’re a little tipsy, and you feel like you just ate a bit too much, most of us do not feel energetic and sexy. So pick your spot, then enjoy your date and/or dinner, and get the best of both worlds.
Kinkiness for beginners
If you’re new to getting kinky, start simple. Use basic, beginner-friendly sex toys, like vibrators and rings, before graduating to anything too big and unfamiliar. Try light role-play — you don’t need to win an oscar! And use things you already have for a bit of very light bondage: for instance, you could use a necktie to loosely tie a wrist or two to a bedpost. This stuff will make things a bit more exciting without feeling too silly or awkward for the unfamiliar.